Life in San Francisco

Time in Boston was spent shopping, picking up things we'd ordered in advance, making returns for things that either didn't fit into the dorm, or weren't needed, and then repeating the process over and over again. We even had some time to play.

I managed to keep it together for most of the time before move in, and even then didn't completely lose it. Yes, I cried, and yes, I'm sad, but I'm also really happy for Ben and the new journey he is on. I'm sad that we really won't be together anymore, At least not in the same familiar way you have with the people you love and live with. Even when it was time to go on Sunday, I only cried for a little bit. I guess I still have the ability to fool myself. I kept saying that I would see him tomorrow, and it was no big deal because I really was seeing him tomorrow, and the next day. We kept making changes and exchanges to the stuff he needed for his new life. And it wasn't until Tuesday night that I realized when I said goodbye after the last drop off of stuff that it really was goodbye. And my heart hurt, and it still hurts, and I wonder how long this is going to last.

One of my long time friends posted on Facebook that I was being so brave and handling this gracefully.  Here's what I told her: "I feel anything but graceful. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest over and over again. It reminds me a little bit of childbirth. You take classes, you learn about the process, and then when the time comes, it doesn't go quite as planned, but somehow you survive it. And from that moment forward your whole life is different."

It's true. My whole life is different, and things will never be the same.